Darren Garage sales it on the lake....Mad skills baby!

Pictures Of Karen's Quads

So Karen sent me this great picture and I am supposed to find all four babies but it's a bit like where's waldo? Do you see all four??

CONGRATS KAREN!!!!!
WE LOVE THE CRAP out of you and all four of your babies. If you get a peruvian nanny grab one for me too. Four at once or four at all doesn't matter. It's a damn lot of kids!! We won't be able to carpool....

Super Cute

We're totally sure it's going to be a girl.

Fake suicide, being married to a clown and $250,000!

That about sums up my day and an overwhelming confirmation that my mom is crazy and it's all her fault. I woke in a fine mood this morning, planning a trip to my water aerobics class, Darren refers to it as my fat blue haired old ladies class but a I love it anyways and happen to be fat so...Just before I leave my mother in law who is not as crazy as my own mother calls. Apparently Kia, who will now be referred to as the rotten teenager had called and wanted to know what to do about her "friend" who had taken 80-90 Tylenol and had no ride to the hospital. So my mother in law advised her to tell her "friend" to call 911. Which she did, being the rotten teenager, called 911 and took and ambulance to MY WORK, naturally. She was stating that she took 80-90 Tylenol not her "friend". So my mother in law buys hook line and sinker and goes to the hospital where they don't believe her. SHOCK, this is like the third fake suicide attempt.



Water aerobics was nice. Full today. Was it wrong to not rush to the hospital so she could swear and scream at me in person? I also went to the grocery store, fruit stand and took a 3 hour nap.



So the tox screen came back negative and then she was like oh, uh it was Ibuprofen not Tylenol and I just had a headache and kept waking up and taking more until she realized the bottle was gone. Whatever. Not a scosh of nothing on her blood work. They sent her home with orders to see someone. AGAIN. I am sure she won't.
My mother proved her insanity by saying oh it just normal teenage. She just bery defecul righ now. Oh she go to temple and be fine. NO SHE WILL NOT!! She was just at the temple and now she has alcohol hidden in her room and a dirt bag boyfriend she screwing who likes to race and PIR. ghetto trash baby. I hope we don't end up with a ghetto trash baby. jeez.
OH heder she have old smaart soul. She do no wrong she next modder teresa. Crazy old Chinese woman. I believe my hands would fit around my mother's neck. I'll let you know how that works out.

So in a feisty mood and had to go to this class at work and they wanted us to include a funny fact about ourselves and immediately I think I am married to a circus clown. So it's my turn and I say blah blah a blah bla and I am married to a circus clown. A few snickers and laughs, people aren't sure if it's OK to laugh about a clown and I am pretty sure the proctor was a bit nervous as she moved on after an awkward smile. I was quite pleased with myself. Then this woman next to me leans in asks so like do they make enough money to live off or how does that pay? I let her know pretty well, Like $250,000 a year. I am now married to the wealthiest circus clown.


Darren says he worries about how much and easily I lie. I love you and my mother I tell him. hehe.

Aaron and Kacey's Wedding!

So this weekend a friend got married and here is one of their wedding pictures! It was a really nice wedding despite the fact it was 100 billion degrees and the ballroom, damn them, didn't have air conditioning. Holey crap it was warm. It worked out nice that all the tables upfront were reserved for VIP, which I was not. As the lowly tables in back were in front of the mostly useless window unit they were using. So unless you sat right in front of it, which we did, you were roasting, which we were but not as badly as some of the other guests. I felt so bad for Aaron, she must have been dying in her dress. Which she looked beautiful in. All those nights of starving herself paid off! 

Darren. Note the white glove. What you don't hear is Billy Jean is not my lover she's just a girl who says i am the one....The girls in the wedding wore these white lace gloves, part of the rockabilly theme. The moment they walked in Darren was fixated on those gloves and determined to get his hands into one. Well he succeeded. Once he heard the high pitched squeal of Micheal he was on a mission. He lurked around the room looking for a discarded glove, finding one shoved into the purse of one of the Bridesmaids. Unable to resist he steals the glove slides it on with intent and EXPLODES into the middle of the dance circle and busts out with the best moonwalk his drunk ass can muster. Thank god I was perched with my camera in hand knowing his moment had arrived and caught him in the act, evidence obtained. Darren is a freak. 

Jet Boat whirlie Birds

Jet Boat Ride in Grants Pass. Super Fun!

Elephant Garlic

In all the years I've lived in portland and driven out to the coast I have always wondered about the Garlic Festival but have never gone, until this year. So off we went with my friend Coca and her family. The girls love each other and had a wonderful time playing. They climbed the rock wall and looked so darn cute doing it! Two peas in pod those two. 

Interesting enough Elephant garlic is not even really a garlic. It's in the leek family. So it is really an elephant onion. Doesn't quite have the same ring. The festive was really an excuse to eat and we did. I was a little bummed, I had hoped for some fantastic garlic food, but there really wasn't much that made your breath smell bad. I learned that there is this purple garlic that is smoking hot! I bought some to make garlic bread out of and I can hardly wait. I'll have to do it on a night that I'm not working.  

My favorite stand was really a bloody mary accessory shop with stuffed green olives, stuffed with all sorts of goodness, cheese, garlic, pimentos. Pickled asparagus and green beans. Garlic flavored salt. Damn, I left my vodka at home. 

Jason's Skydive

JAson survives his first dive...

The book of silly

Darren is a remarkably silly man. I have a whole book of silly pictures of him and have decided that perhaps it is time to share..

I was frightened by the resemblance. Am I married to a Pirate Poser?? Darren had asked if we could delay Katie's induction by a day so that she could have been born on Talk Like a Pirate day. I had to say uh NO. 

Darren is so excited to be doing the hood to coast this year. He went and bought some special shorts but he wasn't sure of what they were called. I too am stumped. What do you call Man Daisy Dukes? He apparently did not get the memo sent out in the 80's about short shorts on men...Yikes, you should see what pops out during his deep knee bends.
A nice picture of Darren and his mom. I have to be careful when he makes these faces that the kids don't hit him, it would be a tragedy if his face got stuck like this forever. 
What great table manners. True Gentleman. Notice the previously mentioned Kelly green polo. again with the 80's D!! Anyone have a lipstick to put in the wash?
Darren is fairly competitive. Notice how he's left the kids behind and was like dud good luck making it to the top losers...She cried. Many of the other dad's were seen cheering their children on, not trying to kick them off the wall so they could beat them to the top. I think he may have been the only adult to try this wall, ever.
My husband HATES HATES HATES cold water. So much so he wears a pansy suit (aka full body wet suit) in 100 degree weather when we go water skiing or inner tubing on the lake. I mean any lake, Detroit, Merwin, Yale and even Lake Billy Chinook, located in Madras Oregon, a desert. I am constantly trying to unzip it when he's in the water or shove him overboard as he lets out his fantastic old lady scream as soon as the cold water touches his delicate skin. It is so funny I wonder if I'm going to wet my pants. In any event, the other night they are all outside on the trampoline after dinner, (that's how D gets out of dinner chores, takes the kids to play then says I can come do the dishes. The girls naturally protest as then the human jungle gym would disappear. Yet we digress, we have spent many hours talking about this in therapy so I will leave it at that, tear drop tear drop.)

So there are giggles and laughter and all of a sudden I hear the cold water scream. I recognize it immediately, I used to sneak into the bathroom and douse him while he was in the shower just as a little jokey, he never did laugh as hard as I did. I dare not go outside as I assumed one of the girls had a death wish and was in the mood to be destroyed by their dad and had gotten him off guard with the hose. I did not want to get sprayed.  If I walked out there and he had the hose that is sooo what would have happened.

Then I hear splashing and realize my silly husband has lost his mind and that I may have to call 911. He jumped off the trampoline fully clothed in jeans and such into the pool (a huge NO as far as pool rules go) at like 8pm at night and the weather outside as you can see is NOT sunny. Maybe 70 ish? The girls fully dressed jumped in after. I was clever enough to stay far far away from the splashing. Darren feels like he "owes me a few" from all the shower dousing, pool shoving, wet suit unzipping I have done and I try to not give him any opportunity to seek his revenge. 

For all the things he is not, he makes a wonderful playmate to the children. 

My father died when I was ten and I guess I don't remember much about the dishes, the laundry or the floors. I do remember that he shot marshmallows out the windows at kids in our neighborhood with a sling shot, drove around with grapes up his nose and making funny faces just to see how the other drivers would react and allowed us to blow up canned vegetables in the camp fire when mom wasn't around. He made water balloon bombs and bought us super soakers so we could play war in the back yard, he usually won. Us drenched him barely misted. He rented movies and laid on the floor to watch them with us and never got mad when he would wake up and I'd done his hair in ponytails, braids and barrettes. He's let us stand on his back while he sunk to the bottom of the pool and lunch us high into the air, pretending to be the hulk, the life guards would whistle and we'd have wait till they switched out to do it again. I could go on for hours about the fun I remember with my dad. The neighbor kids would knock on the door and ask if my dad could play. Not me, my dad. The not me is a whole 'nother story. I know someday my girls will do the same remember the games and luaghter. Someday he will be gone and they won't remember if he vacuumed or mowed the lawn, but I guess he understands, sometimes better that I, that it just doesn't matter if the house is clean or the grass is short.  

It's a girl!

It was much worse to sit by a stranger on the school bus than someone you knew. Even if that girl wore powder on her face, heavy black eyeliner and had bangs that stood up at least 5 inches. She got on the bus at the same stop as me so we might as well sit together you know. Before long we were sneaking out all hours of the night and smoking behind the shed, certain my mother never knew. She was certainly the bad influence...I never would have gone drinking downtown if it hadn't been for her. Tow peas in a pod. The greatest heartbreak of my junior high years was her moving. I missed her so much and still do. Kellie has always been one the most amazing people and I love her to peices. She looks so amazing and beautiful! Kellie you make my heart happy!

I am so super excited, she's having a girl to add to her twins! I only hope her girls are better than we were! 

Perfect

Amazing to have a day that could be described as perfect. That is exactly what happened on wednesday. It started at work, near quittin' time. No had died that night and well, that is always a good thing. I had a Dr.'s appointment that my husband met me for, nice to see him so early. The kelly green polo he wore left something to be desired but alas lets not be too picky. The Dr.'s appointment went perfect, even the doc said so! If you glaze over the fact that there are things in and out of your girl bits you could agree. I got to come home and sleep and my sweet slightly evil dog had not peed on my bed! What awesomeness! I woke up to the phone and deep in my heart feared it would be sad bad news from my friend, but it turned out to be wicked perfect. The best news she's had in the last 34 months and I have never wanted anything for someone as much as I wanted this. PERFECT. Talk about happy and it spread to all of our friends and brought tears to our eyes. What could be better? We went to the zoo concert and were fortunate enough to have a tarp so we could sit in the muddy boggy but available grass space and listen to amazing music while watching the breeze and sun dance in the trees as the day faded to twilight. Sitting there with the kids and the in laws and friends made me feel enormously lucky. Katie folded herself into Darren's lap and that made me laugh, she fits anywhere. The coolest part was when Darren summoned me to the elephants as one was VERY pregnant and I'll be if you couldn't see the calf moving in her belly. Beautiful. Good luck to you I thought. They were on labor watch as they expected her to deliver anytime. That would be quite a birth to see. 125lbs, the average elephant baby. OUCH! 

Perfect.

Cold Cereal

My dad, a wonderful ice cream eating fat man has me totally addicted to cereal. Life was good as a kid. My mother being from Taiwan and her exposure to American families being limited to day time TV made life for us good. We got cookies and milk for our pre-bed snacks and she was led to believe that cereal was the perfect breakfast food. My father willing to go along with her help us to convince her that the Captain and the Cooko bird were the bomb!

I as I aged and widened I decided that perhaps I should avoid these delicious and not so nutritious cereals. I must admit I look at them longingly in the cereal isle as I tell my children no and pick up boxes of bowel healthy fiber filler instant puke meal. I mean oat meal.

We recently went on a trip and for the sake of easiness we decide on cold cereal. So were in the cereal isle, me and my lesbian lover, picking cereal and she reaches for life and I decide to live a little and went back to the sweethearts of my childhood. The captain and I were reunited after a long separation and I must admit there is something about the slightly fatty layer on the top of the milk that Peanut Butter Captain Crunch creates. mmmm. Another wonderful bonus is the free chocolate milk you get with Cocoa Puffs.

Six and last but not least SEVEN!

After spending a small fortune at the animal park we went to coos bay for the night, we liked the look of the monkey, zebra and giraffe so we decided to take them with us. The nicest restaurant in town was on the schedule for us so off to the Sizzler we went. The room had a nice blue hue, I realized it was the reflection off the hair of all the other patrons. This frightened me and we left thinking a seafood dive would be safer. We were right! Dinner was yummy and I has some of the best halibut ever. Caught that day! We slept well after a freezing dip in the outdoor pool, brilliant idea, the outdoor pool, for a town with an average high of 60. 

The drive to Honeyman was not too bad, the state park is HUGE!! On the way we saw these giant sand trucks and went back for a dune tour that was super awesome and fun! The kids did not bicker for a whole 30 minuets, a trip record. I am frankly tired of them and wish for a mute button or way to take out their batteries. Better yet I will trick them into swimming in the lake. Little do they know it is really a trap, it's a quicksand bottom lake. HE he, swim time....

The yert was much nicer and in way better shape if for nothing else the futon folds flat! None the less by morning the children are fighting and I am done....we left a day early after rapidly packing in our jammies. We made good time getting out of town, until...

That DAMN ROOF BOX...

out flew two sleeping bags , a sleeping pad and duffel bag. I bet it scared the holey crap out of the dude behind us. Nice guy not only did not flip us of, but stopped and help us get stuff off the highway. He must've been pretty shocked to see us all in our Jammies. oops. Poor guy twice over. 

So I suppose it is time to confess that the box coming open twice was not REALLY Darren's fault but a problem with manufacturing. Clearly those things are defective. So precise, it must be completely closed, blather blather bla bla says the rack people. ANYWAYS! Darren was glad to see me and the kids. He did mentions since we came home early he was not able to clean the house as he meant too and we took away the time he had planned to clean. Of course Darren, the was going to be spotless if only you had had one more day....

I was glad to have some no kid time, once D got home I was gone for some me time....ahhh.

I have sand pictures, soon, the dunes are awesome!