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Thursday, December 24

Door #3?

So my life is not going quite how I imagined it would. 


Funny how some people get love, other people children, wealth. 
How is it decided what you'll be lucky in? Do we have a choice? If so can I please get the instruction manual or some vague directions?

Some instructions for life in general would be wonderful. 

Like which door? 
Door number one:
Married. A sad broken marriage that I am not sure anyone benefits from. Two parents, two incomes. Occasional vacation to Mexico. Not having to split holidays. The kids knowing who will look after them at night and in the mornings, I can't go so far as to say reliable childcare. Bickering and stress. Frustrations, lies, sadness. Joint liability for his actions and the potential costs and consequences of that. Alone and broken hearted. 

Door Number two.
Blissful, if only temporary, relief from the chaos. Financial ruin, possibility of living in an apartment. Having to move the kids and disassembling their lives. Listening to crying at night because they are used to having their dad around. Divorced. Girlfriends, new wives and stepmothers. Dating, boyfriends, step dads. Split holidays and more drinking. Alone and broken hearted. 

Isn't there always a door number three?  I need to find that door. One with a better prize behind it. Or at least a better life.

One with civility. Some kindness and cooperation. Some compassion perhaps. A little sobriety and the chance for some love. A lotta hard work. Happy children. A savings account, staying in our house and maybe turning it back into a home. 
Door #3 for me....