This is called being DUPED

So. I have entertained the idea of having a baby for the last 48 hours, fairly seriously considered actually. Lulled by that post vacation glow, sun, sand, no kids, lots of booze and yes sex. In part because I do want another little critter in a lot of ways.
It's been nice getting along. I think I fool myself about my marriage. I want so much for it to be great. To be happy and getting along and working together for common goals. I would say every once in a while it seems to happen. But as soon as that warm feeling of love and contentment sets in, it must create some sort of sent, as my husband turns into well, a GIANT COCK SUCKER.
So this is me being duped.
It amazes me how good at it he is . He seems to know just the perfect way to give me hope, to make me smile and think wow, were here. It think in the end it's the worst kind of mean. He knows just the right moment do or say somthing that is so hurtful. When you least expect it. He tricks me over and over and then BAM. I guess I am partly responsible in that I fall for it. I want so much to be one of THOSE couples, to have one of THOSE marriages.

The idea of a baby that was planned. The idea of being in space that it would seem like a good idea. The idea off trying. Wow. The idea of crying when you find out that your pregnant because your happy. So totally foreign to me.

One of these days I'm sure I'll learn. But for now it's back to the brick and mortar of wall building.