If only I were.

What if my life was.....

single as waitress in Las Vegas.

Married to a millionaire.

23 with no children.

6 feet tall and 120lbs.

I was watching a video and thinking about how cool another life could be. I think it's the lure of the unknown. The fact that I don't know and can make it anything I want it to be. Whereas I know what this life contains. Don't get me wrong I love it, its just alot of work.

From the minute my eyes open (which is whenever Beck chooses) there's breakfast, kids to get ready, kids to drop off, kids to change, kids to nap, house to clean, groceries to buy, bills to pay, laundry, laudry, laundy, lunch for baby, clean up the baby, get the kids from school, snacks, more dishes and sweeping, homework, fighting siblings, whiny baby, dinner to get ready, serve and clean up after, then off to basketball, swimming, softball or work, bedtime teeth and books and jammies and bottles, some occasional crying. It's full of moments when it's amazing. Katie reading signs, back saying momma and walking, Julianna making jokes, Katie telling me after she brushes her teeth that I can rub her back, Kia's wild antics feeling becks warm sweaty head as he falls asleep, Katie's impish grin as she runs to me off the bus, Julianna's stories and plays, the way Katie cuddles, pressed up against you holding on tight, Becks hair pulling hugs, Julianna's conversation.

It's a choice. I wanted this and I love it. There is so much happiness to be had, hidden in the day to day. If I spend too much time looking back I remember the fun that I had, the way it was before, but in that moment did I really know that? If I spend to much time looking ahead planning for how it will be, I miss how it really is. And it really is soft, warm, sweet, tiring, bitter and magical all at once.

I've always believed that babies bring with them when they come gifts. Sometimes it obvious and others may take year to discover. Becks gift is that of now. I lay in bed with him for naps, rubbing his belly and fat soft thighs hoping to coax him to sleep, messy house, list of to do's waiting tat I gladly ignore and I know I only have a year, maybe two, of this nap cuddling and I best know it is wonderful now.