I know I've been missing, for a while. Part of the struggle has been finding focus and organization to blog again! I feel like my mind wander and strays every time I sit down. Becks asleep, a lovely afternoon nap. He had a wild night, generated loads of laundry and wore his parents out. Sweet little guy barfed all over Katie's bed, I must admit I slept while D cleaned it up. Don't worry I paid for that act of lousy mommying. He came to cuddle with me, propped up on pillows tangling my hair till I dozed off. Katie was a noisy barfer. Lots of gagging first. This gave us lots of time to either get away or get a bowl. I discovered Beck is a silent barfer. When he barfed on the back of my head, filling my ear with nasty warm puke...I did not sleep through this round of puking. Poor guy. When I was cleaning the house this afternoon I felt oddly content. I was also amazed at how much laundry one person could generate. I felt like I was doing what I was meant to do. Washing barfy laundry. Taking care of my kids, my house. It has been a rough four years. When I think about the time it sorta blows me away. How long we've been doing this. How long it's taken to feel found. Or at least not lost. The kids have been missing their grandad and i went through and made picture to frame for the kids of their grandad, and it was the first time in a while I could stand to look in the past. And it sorta made me excited for the future. There is still alot that is unclear to me and I am ok with knowing that I don't know how it's all going to turn out. I just feel good knowing I am simply where I am supposed to be.